Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I Have a Dream...

...that one day, all babies will be created equal!

Okay, so really, I did have a dream. It wasn't a dream meant to inspire, though. My dream won't make you wanna grab a picket sign, go to a restaurant and not eat, or put yourself at the end of a water hose nozzle next to biting dogs. But it might make you laugh.

As goes with most dreams, I don't remember the beginning. The earliest part I remember is the entrance of Stella. I was walking around my house, which seemed to be a very familiar place, like one of my old houses, when Stella just kind of plopped out. I must have told her that it wasn't time, so she went back in. This happened a couple more times. Maybe she found entering and exiting through my vagina to be entertaining. I'll never know. Finally, she decided that she didn't want to go back in, so Stella finally made her last trip through the birth canal. None of this seemed to hurt me. It was as easy as.... well... pie, as the saying goes. And I was just hanging out and walking around while Stella was doing this, by the way. I didn't seem to be very attentive to the fact that my child was being "born". Thankfully, JUST a dream.

So, I've we've discussed, Stella is now here... and walking around. Stella was not born a new born. No, Stella was probably around one and a half, maybe two. She was definitely walking, and she did communicate fairly well, as far as I remember. You'd think birthing a child the size of a one and half/two year old would be painful. Guess not. But back to the dream. So here was Stella, just kind of chillin' out with mommy like a big girl. I remember being kind of sad that I didn't get to have her in the newborn stage, or the beginning of the toddler stage, or experience anything that happens before the age she was at currently. But I also felt kind of relieved that it wouldn't be such a stressful start to being a mommy.

Next thing I know, there's a full blown cookout/get together going on at my house. Not sure how it happened or when it started, but I'm assuming it was a celebration for Stella. Since she wasn't a normal newborn, she got to enjoy the festivities, as well. I remember at one point being on one of those swinging bridges with her, but it was a play bridge, we weren't actually high up or anything. Then I remember her giving me a big grin through a railing, like she was on the other side of a staircase from me or something to that effect. Either way, I remember thinking about beautiful she was and how much I loved her. OH! Something totally weird, she had a super blonde head of thick, beautiful curls that women would DIE for.
The curls were like that, but about shoulder length on her and super blonde. Of course, no child of mine would be super blonde. I guess she could have incredible curls, though. I remember her being a beautiful child (of course I'm gonna think that any child of mine is beautiful), but, other than the hair, I don't remember specifics.

Sometime during the get together, I went to put Stella down for a nap. A thought came to my dream mind that I felt like she had been in my life forever, but it was all still new to me at the same time. As I was laying her down my bed, I realized that I was in my old room from the house we (mom, dad, sister, and I) lived in in Maitland. We moved out of there and left for Colorado right after I turned fifteen, so it was shocking, and wonderful, to be back, especially since I've driven by there in the past three years and the entire house has been torn down and rebuilt. Assholes.

One part stands out to me, and I can't remember if it was before or after the nap. But I remember feeling like I was a bad mom at one point, because Stella was doing something kind of dangerous and someone had to tell me to go get her. I should have been paying more attention and it made me feel really terrible. I think it was when she was looking at me through the railing, as I described earlier. Once againt, Thankfully it's JUST A DREAM.

Also, like most dreams, I don't remember it ending. I imagine it ended abruptly due to my alarm going off, but perhaps not. If anymore comes to me, I will add it to this update.

I feel like this is kind of a milestone because this is the first dream I've had about the baby itself after birth, and not just about being pregnant. Also, I know she was Stella in this dream. Obviously, she was a girl. But I also called her Stella. She knew this was her name. How cool is that?

I'll leave you with a quote:
I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
Amen to that. You tell 'em, MLK.

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